


Dear Diary

by explicitxLH



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - High School, Bottom Louis, Bullying, Dom Harry, F/M, M/M, One True Pairing, Sad, Sad Ending, Sub Louis, Suicide, Tainted AU, Tissue Warning, Top Harry, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-14 12:44:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 30
Words: 6,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11208345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/explicitxLH/pseuds/explicitxLH
Summary: How could a beautiful love go so wrong?A Larry Stylinson fanfic





	1. Day 1

_Dear Diary,_

_I saw him today. Beautiful as ever, like always. Shining green orbs filled with secrets and lies he tells to the friends he hangs out with._ _His eyes a pure shade of green._ _They're_ _like a sea of green and_ _if_ _you look too deep_ _into_ _them,_ _you'll_ _get lost._ _Curly hair sitting perfectly on top of his head. So badly_ _I_ _wished_ _I_ _could run my fingers through them to tangle my fingers in the curls. His beautiful smile_ _making the whole world go in slow motion. The world may even stop and stare at the perfect of his smile. Those dimples, dented in his cheeks by the ends of his plump lips. His laugh, making everyone stop and stare. Well, maybe not everyone. Just me._

_I do a double take when he walks into the room. He's effortlessly beautiful. Perfect. His skinny jeans always get tighter and tighter on his legs and the idea of his jeans_ _undeniable_ _tugs at my mind. His white shirt is a little bit see through, and I'm able to see the ink on his torso. Every single tattoo has a meaning_ _, a_ _meaning_ _I'd love to learn of_ _._

_He walked by me in the hall today, his arms were wrapped around a girl that everyone knew. The thought of them broke my heart in pieces beyond repair. People saw me staring._

_One guy pushed me against the lockers and punched my stomach hard, making me fall to the floor, a single tear escaping my eye._ _Pain is a_ _never_ _ending feeling. Never ending._

_The beautiful angel heard the commotion and glanced back at me sitting against the lockers, locking our eyes longer than he usually would and then turning around to chat with his little girlfriend._

_The stranger kicked me again, yelling out "Faggot!" and then going off, snickering with his group of friends about me._ _I wanted to sob, but_ _I_ _didn't_ _. I knew_ _I'd_ _just call_ _more_ _attention to myself._ _It's_ _better to just suck it up._

_Liam, one of my best friends, c_ _ame over today. He asked me about the hallway incident. I simply shook my head and sighed, not wanting to tell him since (as per usual) it's the same thing over and over again._

_He told me to eat a bit, but I refused. He put a hand on my thigh and looked in my eyes, saying, "You'll make it through this."_

_The thought of what he said floated around in my mind....I think Liam was lying._

- _Louis_ _T._


	2. Day 2

_Dear Diary,_

_I saw him looking at me again. Is it a coincidence or something else? He completely ignored me though. Ever since I came out, its been hard. Being called a fag, gay, homo, and all the other insults that I just do not want to mention. Every single word takes a bit of my heart. That piece being burned, broken, and crushed._

_I was washing my hands, then he walked into the school restroom, giving me a disgusted look. Tears filled my eyes, knowing the person who I love is digusted of me. The pain of being frowned upon by the_ _person_ _you love is probably the worst type of pain there is. Your heart clenches, along with your_ _stomach. It almost feels as if there is no cure to the pain. There probably_ _isn't_ _a cure to the pain._

_I looked at him as_ _he_ _looked at me, but I quickly looked away as he muttered the words "Fucking fag." I dried my hands and quickly got out, keeping my head low_ _and_ _I_ _let my tears fall._

_I don't think I have anything else to say to you 'person who is reading this.' I guess this a good bye until tomorrow or when I decide come to write._

_-Louis T._


	3. Day 3

_Dear Diary,_

_I was repeatedly punched and kicked again. This time by my angel. Him... Him with his_ _fake_ _group of friends._

_It's so obvious they're fake, though. I don't know how he fails to see it. But, what confused me the most was, as he walked away with his friends, he turned around, my tear filled eyes locking with his beautiful green eyes as he mouthed an 'I'm sorry'. I'm confuse_ _d. Confused as hell._

_I went to the doctors today. They told me I have to start eating more because I'm weak and losing muscle. Losing too much weight, but I don't listen._

_My mum is beginning to worry about me, but I think I'm fine. Just eating a lot less and getting beat up almost everyday at school_ _for being who am._

_School is just a fucking excuse for hell. They tell you to be you and when you do exactly that, you're beat to a pulp by your fellow peers. The irony. They say_ _they'll_ _support you and that if you_ _need_ _anything you can go to a counselor, but then what? What happens after they_ _can't_ _do anything about getting beat up, being judged, and being_ _harassed_ _? Nothing. Absolutely nothing._

_-Louis T._


	4. Day 4

_Dear Diary,_

_I cannot believe this happened today._

_I walked into the hallway of my school, ignoring glares and scoffs from people who were leaning against the lockers as they laid their eyes on me. With my book bag slung over my shoulder, I walked to my locker to get rid of some of the weight._

_As I approached my locker, there, making out with his girlfriend was the one and only Harold Edward Styles. Was he trying to make me go cry in the restroom or something? Why is he torturing me? Does he know he is doing this to me!?_

_I looked down, trying to ignore the couple snogging against the locker next to mine. I quickly threw my books into my locker and slammed it shut._

_I walked away quickly and glanced back to Harry, his eyes locking with mine again for like the third time this year. Is there a reason he's all of a sudden noticing me?_

_There's_ _more._

_The end of the day approached. I was walking out of hell with a burning cheek, bruised stomach, and a massive headache. But,_ _I_ _wasn't_ _left to leave in peace._

_He grabbed. Fucking grabbed me. He grabbed my arm and spun me around. He apologized sincerely for what_ _I_ _had witnessed in the morning._

_I had probably stared at him for twenty second before I realized he was waiting for me to respond._

_With one of his hands tugs at_ _hair_ _at the nape of his neck and the other shoved into his pocket, he looked undeniably, effortlessly... beautiful..._

_But_ _the_ _events of today only raised more questions rather than answered the_ _questions_ _I_ _already had._

_-Louis T._


	5. Day 5

_Dear Diary,_

_He walked into my history class. He changed classes... He's in my class. This is pure torture. Having the boy I love sit next to me for an hour while an internal battle roars within me. One side telling me to say something and the other side saying to move away from him._

_He turned to me and asked me a question. I answered it quickly and he gave me warm, dimpled smile. I gave him a smaller, sadder smile and looked away. I left him in a confused state as the bell rang for the next class and I scurried away hurriedly._

_I rushed to the restroom, feeling sick all of a sudden. I ran into a stall and the little food I had in my stomach emptied out into the toilet._

_A few seconds later, someone came into the restroom quickly, the door hitting the wall behind it from the force._

_I felt a presence behind me and then a large hand on the small of my back as, now bile came out of my mouth into the toilet._

_"Are you okay, Louis?" His raspy voice said._

_I spit into the toilet and then turned around, my eyes meeting the ones I had never thought would be this close to me._

_"Y-yeah." I stammered, his presence behind me making me very nervous._

_"Do you need me to take you to the nurse?" He had questioned._

_"I think I can go by myself. You probably have your girlfriend to get back to." I said, rejecting his offer and struggling to get up._

_A look of hurt and confusion flashed across his face as he said, "Well, I was just offering to help since you obviously need help just standing."_

_My knees began to shake, wanting to give out on me. He wrapped his arm around my waist, and helped me to the door._

_As he helped me out the door, his gasping girlfriend said, "Harry!? What are you doing?"_

_He looked up at her and mixture of emotions came across his face as he quickly let go of me._

_"Nothing. Why would I be doing anything with a faggot like him." Harry said, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her away with him._

_He looked back at me, mouthing an apology. I'm confused. I need help._

_-Louis T._


	6. Day 6

_Dear Diary,_

_My mum noticed that I'm not eating and how depressed I have been. I would say sad, but the pain and how 'down' I feel doesn't feel like sadness. She took me to a counselor. She thinks this lady will be able to help me with my problems and eating disorder and all the other things I'm too lazy to write down on this paper._

_My_ _counselor and I talked. Not about anything too deep and serious. I told her about my sexuality. She was a bit surprised. She didn't believe me. We talked about my feelings. How I feel about a certain person at school._

_As I left she said, "Oh, and Louis, get something to eat, love."_

_I gave a small smile and nodded, even though I'm not going to eat. I drove home and I went to sleep. Not wanting to deal with any more crap today._

_-Louis T._


	7. Day 7

_Dear Diary,_

_It's been a week since I decided to start writing in this journal. Well, anyways, here is what happened today._

_I walked into the hallway of my school. I walked to my locker and heard a serious conversation a little farther down the hall._

_"What? You're breaking up with me?" She questioned._

_"Yeah." His beautiful, raspy voice spoke. I turned around to glance at him. He was rubbing the back of his neck._

_"Okay. Whatever. You're probably gay like that guy you were with the other day." She hissed at him, talking about me._

_His fists clenched and his jaw tightened._

_"No I'm not. I just don't have feelings for you." He said._

" _Keep telling yourself that." She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest._

_"I'm not-" Harry started._

_"I see the way you look at him. You don't have to hide it anymore." She hissed, saying the last sentence quieter. The way she was speaking to him made me want to go up to her and beat the living shit out of her, but I'd never do that because of the type of person I am.._

_"Bye, Harry." She said, turning around._

_I closed my locker and walked past Harry, my head hanging low so he won't see me._

_But, clumsy me. As Harry turned around, I bumped into his hard chest and fell to the floor on my bum, landing with an 'omph'._

_"Louis. You okay? I'm sorry." He said, bending down to pick up my books._

_"I'm clumsy." I muttered. Getting up and taking my books and bag from Harry's hands, rushing to my class._

_I left him there speechless._

_I don't know what to think of today. I was bombarded with him speaking to me. I'm in way over my head..._

_-Louis T._


	8. Day 8

_Dear Diary,_

_I went to my psychiatrist. She told me to start eating. I nodded and said I was beginning to eat. But, I wasn't. We talked about Harry and about what had happened yesterday and the day before. She asked about my bruises. I looked away from her and she saw how it was a rough topic so just went on to a different one._

_She said I was_ _really_ _head over heels for Harry. But I said that he was completely straight and that we didn't have a chance. She disagreed with me and we just went on to a different subject._

_It seemed as though the topics we would talk about were all rough. It seemed as if there was nothing  we could talk about without my feelings being hurt or without me being closed off--shutting down completely to the topic of interest._

_Oh yeah, I was beaten again today. Harry watched as he was taking books from his locker. He didn't bother helping. I ended up in the nurses office. Ice on my stomach and head._

_I came home to a worried mum asking what had happened. I told her that I fell playing football. She bought my lie and stopped with the questions. I so badly want to tell her everything that's happening in my life, but I just can't bare see her in pain because of what is happening to her baby boy._

_I walked into my room and laid on my bed. Tears falling down my cheeks. I got up and walked to my bathroom, searching for something. Something shiny. I_ _found it and held the shiny silver blade against my wrist, deciding whether I should slide the sharp razor across my delicate skin. The tears still spilled out of my eyes, making my vision blurry. I was interrupted by my mum when she called me down stairs._

_I walked down the stairs. She told me there was someone at the door for me._

_I walked to the door and saw him--my angel. Crying. Tear stained cheeks. Red eyes._

_"Harry?" I questioned. He looked up at me. Why was he crying?_

_"Louis, I am so sorry I didn't stop them. All I did was watch. I'm such an arsehole. I'm sorry." He said, confusing me. Why did he care all of a sudden?_

_I stayed speechless._

_''Lou?" He said, making my heart melt as the simple nickname sent shivers throughout my body. His deep, throaty voice calmed and soothed my mind._

_"Yeah?" I asked._

_"I think I love you." He said, sniffling._

_"I-i...but...you...you hate me." I said_ _, trailing off many times with confusion._

_"No I don't." He said._

_I smiled a real smile for the first time. He gave me his dimpled smile and wiped away a tear with the pad of his thumb as his hand gently caressed my cheek. He pulled my arm slowly towards him and wrapped his arms around me. I did the same. Trying to come to my senses and telling myself that this is actually happening._ _The feeling was so foreign, yet it_ _felt_ _as if our arms_ _were_ _made for each other. The moment felt so right._

_I took in the scent of his cologne and it eased my jumbling mind._

_I can't believe this happened, Diary._

_-Louis T._


	9. Day 9

_Dear Diary,_

_Harry stayed at my house for a while yesterday. Well, a long while. Two hours. He explained to me how he's felt about me. He apologized for beating me with his friends. His apology made us both get tearful._

_Deep down, I don't know if i can truly forgive him. He's sent me to the hospital and not once did he apologize for it until now. I have and internal battle within me yet again--wondering--if I truly love him, I'd forgive him. It's better to forgive and move forward than hold to a grudge._

_I asked him how this could really be happening. He told me he didn't know. He said he felt something different for me since I told everyone I was gay._

_I asked 'How did you feel that way if you were straight?'. Again, he gave me no answer, only a shrug._

_We talked for a bit about ourselves. He told me about his family, his likes and dislikes. He told me how clumsy he is. He said he loves to tell the cheesiest jokes that aren't that funny. He told me a few that weren't that funny, but I gave a fake laugh, making him give me a grin._

_I told him about my love for football. I told him that I learned how to play piano and guitar a few years ago. To that, he said he can play the triangle like a professional. I laughed a real laugh._

_As I led him to the door, he stood outside while I leaned against the doorway on my side. He looked uncertain about wrapping his arms around me and leaning forward to kiss my temple. I blushed as he pulled me into a tight hug and dug his head impossibly further into the crook of my neck while my head laid against his toned chest._

_He let go of me and kissed my temple lightly again, muttering a goodbye and walking to his car. I so badly wanted to place my lips on his. Will it ever happen?_

_This is unbelievable. But it's happening._

_-Louis T._


	10. Day 10

_Dear Diary,_

_Today was horrific. I wish I hadn't fell in love with him--with his beautiful green eye and perfect curly hair. It would've made everything easier for him. I hate myself for what I've caused him._

_Today, I was walking down the hall of my high school, my eyes landing on a group of people who were gathered around someone on the floor, leaning up against the rows of lockers._

_The group of people punched and kicked the person who was on the floor. He was helpless. They spit and slapped him. "Fucking fag!!!" Someone yelled. "No one likes a queer!!!" Another yelled._

_They continued their abuse to the unknown person. The bell rang for class and people left the person on the floor. "Go sprinkle your fucking fairy dust somewhere else." Another person said as he walked into his class_

_As the hallway cleared and my eyes set on the person who was beaten and abused, tears fell down my cheeks, staining them._

_He was mangled. Helpless. He had a swollen eye. His lip was busted open and bleeding. His cheek bruised. He had a deep open cut on his cheekbone._

_"H-Harry?" I stuttered as I got closer to him._

_"I'm okay, Lou.'' He had said._

_"No you're not." I had told him._

_-Louis T._


	11. Day 11

_Dear Diary,_

_I guess from now until I graduate, I will be getting beaten every other day or everyday. I've been here before. I've already learned, but I'm always going to be stuck in running from the pain._

_I walked into the restrooms. But, little did I know that Harry's_ _ ex  friends  _ _were following me. They pushed me up against the tiled wall of the restroom and began their assault. They punched my face and stomach, telling me how I don't deserve to live. Calling me a fag and gay. They slapped me and spit on me, doing what they had done to Harry._

_One of the guys took off his belt and held it in his hands. "Aww, I guess we are going to give you two matching cuts." He snickered, talking about the deep cut on Harry's cheekbone._

_I closed my eyes and soon felt the hard metal buckle make contact with my face, barely missing my eye. I yelled out in pain as tears fell down my cheeks. The guy that held onto me finally let go of my collar and let me fall to the floor, hitting my head hard._

_Now I'm here at home, writing all this down. Today wasn't a very good day._

_-Louis T._


	12. Day 12

_Dear Diary,_

_Me and Harry have been going through a tough time. We promised each other that we'd help each other through. I'm not saying I'm this is happening to Harry, but I feel better now that I have a shoulder to cry on._

_"It's always a rough start at first." Harry told me._

_"Harry, this is never going to end. I've been going through this for two years now. Babe, you just need to acknowledge we won't be accepted. At least not anytime soon." I said, sobbing. He only looked at me without responding. It hurt me to tell him that but I can't lie to him. Lying only hurts the both of us._

_I  sill haven't_ _been eating and my mum forced me to visit my counselor again._

_When I got there, she was a bit shocked with my cut cheekbone and bruised face, along with my busted lip. She noticed how much weight I've lost. I don't know how she can notice it if I was here only two or three days ago. I'm losing it that fast? I don't care._

_I told her about what has been happening and how me and Harry are really hitting it off. I was sad most of the time though. I would plaster on a fake smile and act as if I were okay when she'd ask me questions or anything like that._

_I left an hour later. As I got home, I saw Harry's car parked out on the curb. I rushed inside, eager to see him. I entered and he was_ _on the living room couch. He gave me a smile and hugged me tightly, afraid to let go._

_Nothing particularly new other than getting punched and slammed against the locker. I wonder how Harry is holding up?_

_-Louis T._


	13. Day 13

_Dear Diary,_

_Harry came home with me today. We were chased_ _by the same group of people. They were gonna beat us up, but we ran to Harry's car and sped off. I admit. I was scared as hell._

_"You okay?" He had asked me, breathless._

_I shrugged and looked out the window._

_"Why does this school have to be so homophobic. It makes me sad." I had told him truthfully._

_"It's okay, love." He said to me, placing a hand on my thigh_ _, his other hand on the steering wheel._

_The drive back home was silent. A comfortable silence. The smell of his cologne soothed me._

_"We'll get through this, Lou. I promise." He said._

_I gave him a small, sad smile, nodding a bit. "I don't know how much longer I can take this."_ _Tears filled my eyes and a single droplet fell down my cheek. Harry sighed and ran a hand through his hair, eyes turning red and glassy, tears ready to fall any second._

_-Louis T._


	14. Day 14

_Dear Diary,_

_I don't think I can do this anymore. It's too much for me too handle. It's tearing me apart. Seeing Harry get beaten because of me, I completely hate it. Why is life so hard? Is it supposed to be this hard?_

_I ate at lunch today by myself. Liam and Niall left else where. I told them to. They were getting hate just for sitting with me. So I sent them off. Liam, again, told me that 'I'll get through this'. I really hope so._

_I went to my counselor. Nothing new. Same as always. Fake smile. Fake laugh. Pretend to be doing fine. And then I'm off back home after an hour._

_I got home and put my ear buds on, music blasting through them. I walked to my bathroom and pulled out the small, shiny blade. I placed it against my wrist. I swiped and blood quickly fell. Hopefully I hit a major vein or something so that I can leave this place. Blood poured, falling onto the white sink._

_I filled up the bathtub and got in. I grabbed the blade again and swiped. Cutting my wrist like it was paper. I was losing a lot of blood. I drop the blade down to the floor, blood dripping from it. I stayed in the cold water. Maybe I'll die here. Maybe._

_-Louis T._


	15. Day 15

_Dear Diary,_

_I woke up today in the hospital. My wrists wrapped in gauze. Harry in the chair by the hospital bed. He's asleep. Peaceful. The sound of my beeping heart rate filled my ears, annoying me._

_Harry woke up and started crying, asking me what I was thinking._

_I was thinking that maybe-- just maybe--I'll feel a little less pain. But I refused to tell him my thoughts, knowing that it wouldn't make anything better. I felt bad. I wanted this to be all over. I wanted to leave this place I call life. I want to. And one day I will. I'll try._

_-Louis T._


	16. Day 16

_Dear Diary,_

_I have to stay here in the hospital until tomorrow. Harry came to visit me today. He didn't get beaten or anything. Just called names. But then, he got punched at the end of the day. He told me all that happened today. That's why I am telling you now, Diary. He had a huge bruise on his face. It looked like it really hurt. I want to help him. But I can't. This is complete torture for me. Having the boy you love dearly, being beaten almost everyday because of his sexuality._

_I was scrolling through my twitter today._ _A tweet my mum had tweeted made my cheeks flush. Thank goodness, Harry isn't here. The tweet read, '_ **_My son returns to his husband tomorrow @Harry_Styles x'_ **

_It was cute, since I was getting out of here tomorrow._

_-Louis T._


	17. Day 17

_Dear Diary,_

_Life is just a phase. So why not get it over with now? We're all going to die one day anyways._

_Harry and Anne ate dinner with my mum and I today, since it's only us two. Dad left us when I was twelve by the way._

_It was mostly smiles and small talk. Once we were finishing up, it was getting to be those awkward silences where Harry would do the occasional cough. He sat next to me while my mum and his mum sat across from us. So, Harry basically had his hand on my thigh protectively the whole time. I thought it was cute._

_"_ Did you read my tweet?" _My mom had asked me, smirking._

_I laughed a little and could feel the blush rush to my cheeks as I pushed the food around on my plate. Nope. Haven't eaten and I'm not going to eat now._

_"_ Eat a bit, Lou." _Harry said to me. I finally gave in after he kept squeezing my thigh and made a puppy face._

_I only ate a little bit because after like three or four bites, I felt as if I would've thrown up._

_I slept in Harry's embrace for awhile. His strong arms felt protective as they lay around me. It feels like I'm meant to be in his arms._

_I've woke up from my slumber, writing all this down now. I'm sleepy now, Diary. Until tomorrow._

_-Louis T._


	18. Day 18

_Dear Diary,_

_I_ _don't_ _think I can do this anymore. It_ _hurts_ _too much. I went back to school today because Harry encouraged me to._

_(Oh, about last night, he slept over. No, we_ _didn't_ _do what you think we did.)_

_Can you believe someone threw a book at me when_ _I_ _walked into my class._ _It really hurt. Who does that? I mean, I know_ _I'm_ _hated...never mind._

_I_ _didn't_ _cut yesterday or today._ _That's_ _a_ _start_ _to recovery right?_

_-Louis T._


	19. Day 19

_Dear Diary,_

_Today_ _really_ _was something because_ _I_ _wasn't abused or anything. The occasional name calling doesn't count because I'm used to it._

_Me and Harry ate lunch together. We smiled at_ _school_ _together for the first time. We even hugged! Maybe things turned for the better. :)_

_-Louis T. :)_


	20. Day 20

_Dear Diary,_

_Forget_ _what_ _I_ _said_ _yesterday about things getting better..._

_While I was walking to football practice, a group of baseball players and football players huddled around me. Before I knew what was happening,_ _I_ _was pushed to the floor and they threw balls at me. Not just throwing but actually aiming and throwing them as hard as they were_ _able_ _to. The baseball players grab some of their bats and began_ _the_ _real beating. They almost broke my arm._

_Lucky for me, the baseball coach and football coach came and stopped the beating from getting any worse which I'm grateful for if I'm being honest._

_I was sent to the nurse and Niall checked_ _in_ _on me. He sat down on a chair next to the bed_ _I_ _was in at the nurse's office._

_I asked him_ , "How does it feel?"

 _He looked at me confused and replied_ , "How does what feel?"

 _I looked up at him with my bruised face, black eye, and busted lip again_. "How does it feel to be free?" I asked.

_A sad emotion came across_ _his_ _face and his eyes_ _teared_ _up a bit, but he held the tears._

_"_ I'm sorry, Louis." _He said_.

_I really, truly want to know what it feels like to be free._

_-Louis T._


	21. Day 21

_Dear Diary,_

_So here_ _I_ _am, again. Missing another day of school because_ _I_ _was beaten with balls and bats_ _the day_ _before. Harry_ _hasn't_ _found out._

_He'll be mad when he does. The protective side of_ _him_ _will be_ _sent into overdrive. I love that about him, though._ _That's_ _what_ _makes_ _him Harry._

_How am I going to go another year or so being beat up every other day. I'll be killed one day. Passing away doesn't sound bad right now._

_I know I shouldn't say that but I have a stupid diary to write down things I think about. And killing myself is honestly something I'm always thinking about. _

_-Louis T._


	22. Day 22

_Dear Diary,_

_Harry here. I_ _found_ _this journal on_ _Lou's_ _desk. I_ _read_ _through it. All 21 days. From day one. I feel horrible reading those first days. The looks of disgust_ _I'd_ _give him just from my dignity and trying to uphold a useless ego._

_By the way, if_ _you're_ _wondering, Lou is asleep and_ _won't_ _be waking anytime soon. I wrote day 22 for him and_ _I'm_ _going to fill it with how much_ _I'm_ _in love with him. You, Lou, if_ _you're_ _reading_ _this._

_I love the way_ _I_ _make you smile. The_ _way_ _your eyes crinkle at the ends because of how hard_ _you're_ _smiling._

_Your beautiful blue-green eyes that turn blue-gray when_ _you're_ _sad. Sadly,_ _that's_ _what_ _I've_ _been seeing lately. I plan on making them stay blue-green for a while, Lou :)._

_Your hair. The light colored shade of brown it is. Love it in that quiff you put it in on special occasions._ _I_ _love_ _you're_ _bed hair even more. The way it looks when_ _you've_ _just waken._

_Your hands. The way they fit in mine. This is going to sound cheesy, but I love the way it feels like they were made just for me. I can't get over how small they are._

_Your body. Where do_ _I_ _even start. It leaves me breathless._ _Like_ _I forget_ _to_ _breath_ _for a minute. Maybe_ _I_ _should skip this part before_ _I_ _write_ _something_ _I'm_ _not supposed to ;)._

_I love you, Lou. And, every thing about you._ _I'll_ _marry you one day. I promise._

_-Harry S._


	23. Day 23

_Dear Diary,_

_Well, I guess Harry filled in the journal for yesterday. I guess I made a wish and that wish came true. My wish was Harry, and I got him. This is a lesson. Never stop wishing._

_Enough of the wishes. This time, I'm not kidding. I_ _don't_ _want to be here anymore._

_I'll_ _be gone._ _Don't_ _worry about me._

_-Louis T._


	24. Day 24

_Dear Diary,_

_Gone. Something I'll be._

_Today me and Harry took a walk, hand in hand. We walked over that bridge I've always wanted a picture on top of. Maybe me in someone's embrace or a kiss. Cliché, but I like it._

_I told Harry about it and he said one day. I smile so much with him. I just love him to pieces. I hope he_ _doesn't_ _read what_ _I've_ _written._

_-Louis T._


	25. Day 25

_Dear Diary,_

_I'm_ _not going to_ _school_ _anymore. For what?_ _There's_ _nothing_ good for me there. _Just the little friends that accepted me for who I am, and now_ _Harry_.

_Hope it all works out..._

_While_ _I_ _was_ _in bed, scrolling through Twitter. Wasting time. Harry tweeted, 'There comes a time when a blind man takes your hand and says, "Can't you see?" '_

_It really tore my heart. I sat for about two hours or so, just thinking about what it meant._

_Is it us? How obvious his love for me is or vise versa? A blind man obviously_ _can't_ _see._

_I pushed it to the back of my head and tweeted, "Always in my heart @Harry_Styles . Yours sincerely, Louis"_

_After a few minutes, he retweeted it and replied, "Always you." He keeps doing these things to me that_ _I_ _thought_ _I'd_ _never_ _feel. What_ _I_ _mean_ _is that_ _I_ _thought_ _I'd_ _never find a love that loves me back. I think_ _I_ _found him. Harry Styles..._

_-Louis T._


	26. Day 26

_Dear Diary,_

_Harry here...again. I can't believe what I just read._

_Louis is going to commit suicide. Why? Why couldn't people just accept him. I don't get as much shit as he does._

_He doesn't deserve it. He deserves better. He deserves the world._

_He's_ _not going anywhere, and_ _I'm_ _going to make_ _sure_ _of that. If_ _he's_ _wants to leave,_ _I'm_ _leaving with him._ _I'm_ _not going to let go of him easily._

_-Harry S._


	27. Day 27

_Dear Diary,_

_Harry read it. We cried in each other's arms. It felt good to be in his arms. His tight,_ _loving_ _embrace._

_We cried because we decided on something together. In three days..._ _we're_ _jumping off that bridge_ _I_ _told you about, Diary._

_We'll leave this_ _place_ _in each_ _others_ _arms. The bridge_ _I_ _wanted a_ _picture_ _on, will be the place we last lived. The_ _place_ _'love' means the most to us both._

_I'll_ _miss people. The people who cared about me._

_I'm_ _sorry for the tear stained pages, Diary. I have to go now._

_-Louis T._


	28. Day 28

Dear Diary,

I went over to Anne's house. I hugged her tight, knowing she will never be my mother in law, knowing her son wants to go along with me. Harry said she really likes me. She considers me family. And from the tight hugs she gives me, she probably does.

I'll miss her. I'll miss my own mum. Two days. I'll be on my way with Harry in two days.

-Louis T.


	29. Day 29

_Dear Diary,_

_Harry and Louis here. This is_ _the_ _last page. These last_ _pages_ _have been the most pages with tears all over them. What started as a way to get my feelings (Louis) onto paper, turned into something very different..._

_We decided_ _we'd_ _write this last page together. Our hands are holding a pencil together. Harry's hand over Louis'._

_Our reason for leaving life so early is_ _because_ _of the people who_ _can't_ _accept us. Who_ _can't_ _accept our love. The people who hate because of sexualities. The people who never wanted to stop abusing us. People need to start treating each other with more love and less hate. People like us are_ _treated_ _like we_ _aren't_ _people. We're_ _spit on and_ _beaten_ _with bats. Vicious acts were put into play. Vicious acts that will never be forgotten._

_Choose love, not hate. Be kind. We'll be with you in the morning... but it'll be a different kind. Goodbye brings the cold for it signifies a departure of someone or something._

_This is Harry and Louis, and_ _we're_ _saying goodbye._

- _Louis Tomlinson-Styles and Harry Tomlinson-Styles_


	30. Epilogue

**_Third Person P.O.V._ **

_Friday, October 2, 2011._

Harry and Louis sat on Louis' bed. Silent. Thinking of what to say. Louis was scared. So was Harry. Scared of what might happen after they step off the edge of the bridge. Who will miss them? Who won't? Who will remember them?

Harry sniffled while Louis' tears continued falling. Harry pulled Louis into him, hugging him close, never wanting to let go.

"We'll be okay. We'll be together. Always?" Harry said, breaking the silence that lingered in the room.

"Always." Louis agreed.

"All this bad stuff will be over soon..." Harry continued.

"All the pain will go...our love will stay, Haz." Louis said in awe.

Harry smiled through his tears, dimples indented. "Yes. It will, Lou." Harry said.

"Are you ready?" Harry asked.

Louis nodded and wiped away his tears. Harry doing the same. Harry got up and grabbed Louis' hands, careful with the still healing cuts, and leading him outside, careful not to get Louis' mum's attention.

Then, they began walking to the bridge.

Louis' mum, Jay, walked into Louis' room to tidy up a bit. She came across the journal. She flipped it open, her eyes filling with tears as she went for day 1 to day 29.

She ran to get a phone and quickly dialed 999, telling the police that her son and Harry were going to jump off the bridge. The police rushed there and so did she, getting in her small car and calling Anne as soon as she started driving.

Both mum's tears were falling freely, as they made their way to the bridge that crosses over a small body of water.

Jay came closer to the bridge as the two boys were standing at the edge, held in each other's embrace.

The police were in the distance along with Anne. Harry and Louis' lips locked for one last loving kiss. Then they cried. They cried in their embrace.

Jay got out of the car and started running to the two boys she cared for so much.

The two boys looked into each other's eyes, and intertwined their fingers.

"Louis! Harry!" Jay and Anne yelled, but it was too late.

The two boys slowly fell back. The last thing they're seeing is the eyes of the boy they loved. Their bodies hit the water and then they were gone almost instantly. Beginning their endless journey elsewhere.

Jay fell to the floor in tears as the police ran to the edge of the bridge and two or three comforting her. Anne ran to Jay and they cried together.

"Get police to search the water! Quick!" A police ordered.

Jay yelled and sobbed. Annie trying to come to her senses. Her baby boy was gone. Dead. Lifeless.

The only thing they have left is the note that the two boys wrote together. Their tainted love was written in ink. Staying there for as long as time will allow it.

The next day, the two boy's bodies were found. Almost the color blue. Their hands were tightly latched onto each other.

The family suffered. They suffered the loss of two boys who weren't allowed to love each other.

The school was in shock. They respected Louis and Harry all too late. The bullies beat themselves up for the deaths of the two, breaking down in tears. They apologized to the heavens, hoping someone would hear their apologies, but sorry meant nothing now for Louis and Harry are gone. Gone. Gone elsewhere.

Liam and Niall cried with Jay and Anne. A funeral was held for the two. People from school attended. Most decided it'd be respectful or polite to write a letter. A letter with apologies, memories, or thank you's. Tears were shed. A letter for each of them. The letters were placed inside the caskets next to their bodies. The two dressed in tuxedos. Louis' hair, his natural bed hair. Harry, his beautiful curls.

At the burial, there were more people. Dressed in black or grey. Umbrellas in their hands for the forecast.

The ceremony went on. Dark clouds rolling in as people placed red roses and rose petals on the caskets. Harry and Louis were being buried next to each other, just as they would've wanted.

Rain poured from the heavens as the two mums cried out when the caskets began to be lowered into the ground.

They were covered and then flowers were placed on top of their graves. Students, peers, friends, family...

Everyone went home but two remained. Jay and Anne. Grieving, mourning the death of their sons. Their only sons.

But, lives went on. People kept quiet about the lovers who jumped off the bridge and died on impact. Their fingers that clutched to each other's tightly. Their skin lifeless. Their lips blue. They respected the two. People from school didn't judge or disrespect gays, bisexuals, lesbians, transgenders...but, it took two boys to lose their lives...

Harry and Louis' love remains at the top of that bridge. Always.

Though, they continued their endless journey. To wherever they were going. Their love stayed strong and never died, wherever they were.


End file.
